Kirsten got on a plane, and went far far away...

Disclaimer: The little girl (?) on this plane is not Kirsten.

Yeah, she's gone. Gone to Boston for now, then touring around visiting family and what not. She's gone for 2 weeks, and I'm left here, alone, while she gets to discuss interesting research stuff about making little bits of metal and making littler dents in them.

"So, what are you going to do now that you are a bachelor for 2 weeks?" I get asked.

This question throws me. Do people think that I'm some adventurer/playboy that is just held back by the cruel shackles of matrimony? Then, now that Kirsten's gone, my days will be filled with hang-gliding and monkey knife-fights and my nights with sexy parties and nakked twister?

"Uhh....." I reply.

"You are going to play video games, aren't you." They say.

"Yes." I reply.

"In the dark." This is usually said with a hint of pity.

"...... Yes."

But what games they are!!! Paper Mario for the Cube just keeps getting better and better. I love everything about this game. I also thought that the game might be a bit, you know, easy - but it's been getting quite challenging of late. There's a lot of depth there too.

And Mario Kart DS. There's no Wi-Fi network in the UK... yet. A bit disappointing, but the game is so damn good that I'll forgive them. Besides, I'll need the practice before playing Blight.

My final devourer of time can be blamed on Cibbunano. He's been on a bit of a retrogaming kick of late, and has reminded us all of the good times that were had in the 80's and 90's with our primitive but heartwarming games. Now I'm fairly up to speed on recent and not so recent gaming events. But they remade Star Control 2? And I was not informed? And it's even better than I remember? Awesome. Death to the Ur-Quan. Humanity will not be enslaved.

PestilentDoom is composing a literary masterpiece, a fairy tale of epic scope, telling the tale of a young boy and his adventures in a frightening library. Of course, many of the tales are based on true stories, so I'm not sure if it's really a fairy-tale. But still, great stuff.

Kittens as snipers. Effective, but can they be trusted?

Pantomime!

I saw my first Pantomime yesterday. It was an experience to say the least.

Some of you might be saying: "Good show, Beaver!" , or "I don't give a bloody toss, Beaver!". You would mostly be British.

The rest of you are probably saying: "What the fuck is a pantomime?" And well, I'm about to tell you.

Before I went to see the Footlights, I didn't even know this was going to be a pantomime. The Cambridge Footlights deserve a mention of their own, as they are a comedy troupe that spawned such wonders as John Cleese and most of Monty Python, as well as the more recent Sasha Baron Cohen (Ali G). We even have a collection of their stuff in the Manuscripts department at the UL. You could see it, if you wanted, but if you don't have a reader's ticket, you're out the door, bitch.

Anyway, the play was Spartacus, the Pantomime. And to give you an idea of what was in store, look at the picture. It shows the "stock" characters. The left most character is Cleopatra (the Dame), played my a large man that has a bit of stubble. The middle is Spartacus (the hero), played by a woman. The right, is Crassus (the villain), who is a man actually playing a man, but you get to boo and hiss at him.

Kinda weird right? Well, it gets weirder. Since I was in front, Marc Anthony gave a nice little gyrating dance on stage that was clearly for me. Everyone was laughing their collective asses off, and my face was beat red. I tried to hide, but it just made things worse. I mean, I was flattered, and maybe a little curious, but I'm married and the answer was still no. Yeah, it was great.

Anyway, there a bit of Paper Mario that need playin' . So BYE!

Holy Shit!

And I almost forgot! My sister in law had a BABBBBY! Of course, I don't have pictures, so I can't show you. *ahem*

Did I mention that when I say anything about babies I get into trouble? It's true!

The ones you love can hurt you the most...

Why Sid? Why?

I have made a few comments in the past about my loss of faith in PC gaming. It's expensive to keep up with, the games are buggy, concoles are way cheaper ... blah blah blah. Fact is, all of that didn't matter when Civ 4 came out. I was going to buy it. Civilization is different. And I've been there throughout the ages, and have played every one of em. And I loved em all.

So I went to the Game store with a pocket full of sunshine, eager to get the next great Sid Meier masterpiece. I held the box like a newborn babe. It looked good. It smelled good (anyone else notice that new-game smell?). It felt good. Kirsten could even detect the "moment".

"Are you getting that? I thought you were fed up with PC... oh never mind. It's Sid Meier." Big points for Kirsten.

I installed the game with glee, and began thumbing through the massive manual (which is always a good sign for strategy games) . And then I tried to play it.

There was a lack of graphics. No, the graphics weren't bad. There were no graphics. Or at least mostly no graphics. Units were suspended in fields of darkness. Sid Meier himself (he gives a turorial) was reduced to a pair of floating glasses and teeth. It was kinda errie, and really annoying because graphics are kind of handy to figure out what is going on.

But no problem right? I'm a computer guy. I've dealt with worse. I update my graphic drivers. Nothing. I go onto the forums, and find out a whole bunch of people are having the same problem. And they are pissed off. And so am I. But I try more of their suggestions. Rolling back the graphic driver. Unpacking compressed art files. Still nothing, nothing, nothing. But there's a patch coming soon, don't you worry!

Once again, I'm convinced that PC gaming just sucks dirty donkey dicks. It's didn't use to be like this. PC Games would just work. Now they use gamers as beta testers. Even Sid Meier. Who had a lot of my love. And broke my heart. I might give him another change, just cause its him, but I would like a working game before I hand over my bling.

So I took the game back, after wasting a good couple of hours trying to get it to work. I got Paper Mario for my Cube' instead. And it worked. And it's fun. And it has made me happy, and warmed my soul with good gaming glee. I like the little mushroom girl, Goombella. She goes to Goom university. Just so you know.

*hugs his GameCube*

On a more general note, something strange happend at work today. I was in the lift, and a reader got in.

"What floor would you like?" I asked.

"One." She replies.

I glance up, and am confused, because the "1" is lit up on the floor indicator.

"Um, we are on the first floor..."

"I know." She replies.

So, for good measure, I press the "1" button on the elevator door. The elevator doesn't move, as we are already on that floor. But hey, why create a scene if you don't have to?

I then get off at the ground floor, and leave the reader to go back up to the first floor. I hope it was a fun ride. We all need a little excitement now and then, don't we?

Just not as smart as I look...

Allow me to continue my earlier story.

So I go to work. And do worky stuff. And I feel like shit. Then the readers started to come. And there were questions.

"I have an odd inquiry"

"Ok" I say... wary of course.

"I'm curious about a Chinese Oracle bone" says the reader.

"Ooookkkay...." I say. At this point, I give him my blank stare. I've been working on my blank stare for quite some time now, and I'm quite proud of it. Your blank stare makes or breaks your library career. It should have said "I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about. Why are you even asking me this?".

Unfortunately, the reader read my stare as "Please continue, for I have studied boneography for several years at Trinity-Dublin. I have several boneographs in my pants." "It's from the Cheng Dynasty period", continues the reader.

"You want to see my bone?" I asked.

"Well yes. I mean no. I want a picture of your bone. For a friend. He's an anthropologist. He's been in contact with your imaging department and has been tying to get a picture of your bone for some time."

Yeah. It didn't get any better from then on. Another reader: "Gees. I'm trying to remember a translators name. You know the guy: translated Hebrew to English in the 19th century..." and gave me a look like I was just ready to pop out the answer.

I asked myself, what made these people think I'm Mr. Genius all of a sudden? But it's obvious. I'm behind a desk. In the Manuscripts department. In the University Library. In Cambridge. So I look smart. But I'm not. At least not that smart.

Fortunately, at work, none of my other attributes are misjudged.

"Kevin? I have a little job for you." says Godfrey (my supervisor).

"Yes?"

"I need these boxes of books moved. They're fairly heav-"

*Godfrey looks at Kevin's spindly little arms*

"Never mind. I'll get Shelley to do it."

You know what is needed here? Character sheets. That's right: that shit us geeks were up to when our parents thought we were playing slap and tickle up in the tree-house. But really, we were playing role-playing games. And we had character sheets.

So picture this: we have character sheets for ourselves. People can then gauge our abilities accordingly, and all will be well. For example, consider my earlier example:

"I'm curious about a Chinese Oracle -"

*Kevin hands him his character sheet*

*The reader reads the sheet*

"Says here you're a Level 1 Bookmonkey. And you don't have the boneography skill?! Well, you're pretty useless then. And look at those stats - Oh God! Look at that piss poor Strength and Wisdom! Listen, um... If I was you... I'd roll up a new character. Just my two pence."

And balance is restored.

On a side note: Pulp Fiction in 30 Seconds! Once again, performed by bunnies.

Days where you shouldn't get out of bed...

Yeah, a bit of a crazy day today... Let's start from the beginning.

In all fairness, my day sucked before I even got out of bed. I had a nightmare. First some reference though.

I generally have fairly messed up dreams. This is fine. I've grown used to it. In fact, some of my nightmares were getting a bit boring. Ohhh here we go again. The nightmare where I'm stuck in a never-ending house and can't get out. OOhhh what's behind this door? Something fucked up, no doubt. Wow, a mirror. And I've got blood on my face. Better wash it off! OH NOS! I washed it off with more blood! How pedestrian. (most people agree by this point that my dreams are messed up, and that I play too much Silent Hill).

No doubt that the part of my brain that hates me caught wind of this. "Hmmm, Kevin's nightmares are getting a bit dull. Now he's due for a really shitty day today and I want to really fuck him up. So let's get to work people!". And I gotta hand it to my brain, it came up with a doosy.

Snake-worms that cover the floor so thick, so you can't help stepping on them. Signs that lead to other signs that lead to nowhere. And dogs. Lots and lots of vicious dogs. I'm a bit wary of dogs, but of course, my brain would know that. Ohh and the kicker: it all takes place in Heathrow Airport. And there's noone there.

And then I woke up to both my and Kirsten's alarm. I still can't figure out Kirsten's alarm for the life of me, so it woke me up every 10 minutes. I should have thrown it and my alarm out the window, and declared that "Kevin's not available for the day, try again tomorrow" and gone back to bed. But I didn't. And I went to work instead.

On a lighter note I found this: The Shining in 30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies.

And that's all for today folks. I'll continue this tomorrow. For some reason, I'm tired.

Is this cheating? How about this? Ok, THIS is cheating, right?

Once, a long long time ago, I studied Psychology. I would get up, drink a coffee, go to class, and try to find out what makes people tick. At the end of the day, I was usually more confused than when I started. In fact, I think I learned just enough to find out that I don't have a fucking clue what the hell is going on. But I did learn a few cool terms and a lot of neo-Freudian insults.

Recently I fell victim to the False consensus effect, and wound up getting into an intriguing discussion about what is cheating. Now, I consider myself a fairly straight-laced (I do work in a library), faithful guy, not prone to do anything too crazy. But then, I also thought that hand holding was a perfectly innocent thing to do. More specifically, a man and a woman who were friends but not in a "relationship" could walk along, holding hands, and that would be ok.

Well, if you think there's something wrong with the above statement, you aren't alone. Apparently, in the wisdom of mob psychology, holding hands is definitely NOT ok, devoid of an appropriate context. You know, something like your friend is in a pit of poisonous snakes, and you reach out to pull her out, grabbing her hand only to get her out of the pit, upon which you will immediately discontinue this hand holding offence once she is safe. You will then proceed to wash your hands.

Seriously people, I'm just not getting this one. We shake hands, we hold hands when we are dancing, rock climbing - what am I missing here? Are these guys in trouble? Are these guys secretly engaged in a hot, steamy, love affair?

I found this test, so maybe you can help me out here. I scored a 10, making me apparently completely devoid of jealous feelings. Of course, that's bullshit, but my point is that people seem to be so phobic of infidelity that showing anger and rage in rather innocent situations is becoming okay. Like hand holding.

Anyway, my personal belief is that fear of something bad happening has the nasty habit of making that fear come true. And that's my Deep Thought for the day.

/rant

By the way, if there are any MCR/work people (or anyone else for that matter) out there - you know - lurking, feel free to jump in here and tell me what you think. It'll make me feel popular.

:D

Movies and other things that devour my time...

I've been taking a couple of days off work. It's been nice. It's also nice that I get 39 days of vacation with my job (the British are a lot saner about their work ethic). Of course, I'm supposed to be using this time sorting some stuff out, but have been playing flash games and eating lemon tarts instead.

Kirsten and I have a DVD rental service where we get 4 DVDs a month, as the local Blockbuster is shit. We've been seeing a lot of movies that we wouldn't ordinaily see, like Isao Takahata's Grave of the Fireflies (of Princess Monoke and Sprited Away fame). Probably the saddest movie I have ever seen, if you watch this and don't cry, you have no soul.

I've also been checking out Cowboy Bebop (the movie and series), which is very cool, especially if you are looking for an animation movie that won't reduce you to a convulsing, tearful mass which proclaims "Joy is dead! All that remains is pain!". Instead, it's a delightful romp though a gritty, "edge of the law" sci-fi universe. Great stuff. Doesn't hurt that Faye's a bit of a babe either (you know - for a cartoon). And she kicks ass. Oh Faye... Faye.

Also on honorable mention is the sadly underrated Firefly series, which for some reason never made it past on series. Again, an edgy, lawless sci-fi with more than one passing resemblance to Cowboy Bebop. And yet another series that went the way of the dodo. Do we really deserve good TV anymore?

Ok, back to work. *grabs his DS*

Ahh... booze

There's something magical about a gin and tonic. Gin's kinda gross, and tonic water isn't all that pleasant. But mixed together, they form a drink that can cause one to forget even the most horrendous of days.

Since I'm on the topic, I've been really craving a Caesar of late. Can't get one over here. Not even a crude approximation. Mention it to a Brit and you will get a confused look. Tell a Brit what's in one, and that look quickly changes to one of disgust. Heathens.

Been playing Advance Wars: Dual Strike, and can now safely say it's awesome. The new units are fun, and the Tag team CO powers are unstoppable. It plays a neat little diddy when you invoke the awesome power of the Tag Power, and Kirsten has seen me rocking to it on more than one occasion. Great stuff.

Anyway, having a much better day today. Unlike yesterday, where reader after reader spooned me in what ended in a massive chain-gank. I was left twiching.

My day sucked so....

I had a shitty day. And I lost my post. And I had a nightmare. More on this later when I'm done my gin and tonic.

ARGAGHGHAG!!!!